Embracing Vulnerability

 

It has been a while since I've written a post, but the essence of this one took a while to develop, and I am so grateful it has because it's a big one for me.

An old friend reappeared in my life for a brief moment, if only to awaken awareness within me. I could tell something profound was about to occur, but I couldn't figure it out until it happened. This recent experience brought about an awareness of two different types of vulnerability.

The first type of vulnerability is when we are willing to reveal ourselves to another human being without holding back for any personal reasoning. This can occur because of a fear or insecurity of some kind, or the holding back can occur for selfish and manipulative reasons.

The other type of vulnerability is the willingness to open our hearts enough to get to know another person. I don’t just mean get to know them by listening to them and the words coming out of their mouths. I mean really feel them and their story.

Some may refer to this second type as being present or compassionate, and yes it is both these things. However, it is deeper than that. It is completely unfiltered and unprotected presence and compassion. It is devoid of fear that caring for another human being may in some way end up causing you pain. It is in this exchange, the care and the concern for another person in which we enter relationship with can flourish, and it applies to friendships, romantic relationships, and yes, this can even be in a business relationship.

Let’s imagine we have two people standing in a room with a brick wall dividing them. There are two different types of bricks in this wall, each kind of brick representing one of the two types of vulnerability, and each person is responsible for half of the bricks. As with any brick wall there is mortar between the bricks to keep the wall strong and in place. We’ll say the mortar is made of fear.

If those two people choose to get rid of the wall, so they can engage in some sort of relationship, first they have to weaken the wall by addressing any fears. The willingness to walk through any fear takes care of the mortar, and makes the wall brittle, but we are still left with all the bricks stacked on top of one another. Now we have to become vulnerable to get rid of them.

If we start by only removing one set of the bricks or one type of vulnerability, it may end up looking like the end of a game of Jenga, where only certain pieces have been removed from a giant tower of blocks that has now fallen over and there is still a huge mess in front of us. Even if the two people wanted to get to one another, one of them would need to climb over an unstable pile. Needless to say, there is one person having to do all the work.

It is only when both people work on both types of vulnerability within themselves, does the path open completely by removing all of the bricks. Then the two people can engage fully in the type of relationship that is desired by them coming together. 

When this little metaphor showed up in my life to reveal to me my own personal patterns with vulnerability, like any good spiritual student, I had to ask myself why I manifested this into the way it was revealing itself and here is what came up for me. 

In the past, I have had a fear to be vulnerable enough to be seen due to perceived flaws or imperfections. I’m not just talking about physical imperfections. I am referring to feeling inferior or insecure because of the many details that can arise for a person. This could be my lack of education based on what society tells us is necessary, I am one of the few in my spiritual community that still smokes cigarettes knowing how harmful it is to my body, because my art lacks in areas of realism and speed when necessary, or even that I have written a book that says one thing, and then as time passes by, I shift and grow with its message, so a fear arises that maybe the writing is becoming or already obsolete. Blah, blah, blah. Many things can arise within my mind to tell me it’s not safe to be vulnerable enough to let myself be seen.

Then, because Spirit is so giving, protecting, and loving, and it wants me to have everything I am comfortable receiving, it will give me exactly what I wanted. Spirit has been providing everything I wanted in life while keeping me safe from being seen. I have work I love that lets me hide away as long as I’d like without asking much of me, many relationships that come in only to serve the other person so I can easily disappear when I prefer because I am no longer needed, and enough solid friendships that I’m not required to reach out and make new acquaintances if I don’t want to. However, that path is not exactly acting in alignment with divine will or the service that has been asked of me by my higher guidance, it’s the path based on my will.

The good news is, I’m not running the show, and so the greatest trick Spirit has to offer us all is to give us more and more of the same old thing through different scenarios until you can think to yourself, “hey, I’m not sure I want any more of this sh―. I think I’m good. Yep! I’ve had enough.”  Spirit wants each of us to have a fuller life, but we need to be asking for it, not resisting the heck out of it. Life will continually manifest a similar experience over and over based on our fears and desires until we can recognize that it’s not working for our highest and best interest.

This recent experience provided just this. It helped me recognize perhaps not being seen, and staying under the radar, may not be what I wanted, or needed, at all. It was actually quite annoying, but in looking at my own patterns, I could recognize, I was being given EXACTLY what I had been asking for. Spirit is extremely clever to reveal the gifts in this magnificent way! I am so extremely grateful for the gift I needed to move forward with my life purpose, to be revealed through a big, strong, and attention-grabbing man!

The bottom line is I can’t do what Spirit has brought me here to do and hide behind the wall anymore. I’ve known what I’ve been divinely asked to do, but I wasn’t quite sure how I was supposed to do it. It felt like something wasn’t clicking or part of the equation was missing. I had to get out of my way, my fears, and my wants, and remove both types of bricks of vulnerability. Only then, can Spirit start providing me with a different option. I have to do it, not because there’s another person on the other side of the wall―

―but because all of life  is on the other side of the wall.

What does that means if there really isn’t a person on the other side of that wall?

It means all of the bricks are my own!

So be bold, reveal yourself, and let others into your heart! Let go, be vulnerable and allow life to fully integrate into your being by getting rid of the wall that stands between you and all of the future’s possibilities! There really is nothing to lose except for the same ol’ story you’ve been asking for.

Much love and gratitude for all of you.

Many blessings,

jodi

 

 

 

 

 

What's Black and White and Heart All Over?

 

The reason why I'm sharing all of this is because another friend posted an article on social media today, (http://hellobeautiful.com/2015/03/22/why-black-celebrities-should-be-black-activists/about), about how the "New Black" is doing more harm than good. The examples of people that represent the "New Black" were people such as Pharrell, Raven, Common and somebody else, I'm not real familiar with celebrity names. Those of you who know me, know I'm a faces, not names, kinda gal so I'll apologize ahead of time. Anyway, it made me think of a recent fight that escalated quickly between the two hearts of my children and began the journey of this blog. That being said, this is a lengthy post, but stick around to see how it all ties in.

 

This weekend was the first time the kids and I have had the opportunity to travel completely alone. I love hanging with the kids for a few days without all of the usual daily responsibilities and nothing but time to enjoy each other. As I've said, my children have always been two of my greatest teachers. Really, my whole family has. It is through these closest relationships we learn the most about ourselves if we are paying attention. In learning about ourselves, we also get to learn about our relationships with the world around us. What happens in smaller scale usually always occurs on a larger scale.

 

The kids chose to visit an amusement park for their vacation. Sure the idea of rollercoasters is an exciting idea, but they forget how much work all the walking and waiting can be. Waiting in line can frustrate the young ones especially when technology has empowered society's ability to live in a world with much more instant gratification than when I was younger. They began to fight over who was "right" and who was "wrong." Over what? I don't even know. It was a typical sibling argument full of...

 





"you’re wrong."
"no you’re wrong."
"No you’re wrong."
"No you’re wrong!"
"NO You!”

Back and forth they bickered over who was right, with their tone escalating as their claims against one another volleyed between the two hearts. Two children that love each other caught up in the dance that only angered one another and turned to tears before I could jump in. It was that fast and furious!

This is when I turned to my daughter and said-- "it doesn't matter if the other person knows you are right, but mind how your heart feels right now." The need to be right and understood can be more caustic to the individual heart, than letting go of the fight for the sake of taking care of your own heart. Like the St. Francis prayer says, "it is better to understand, than to be understood."

Another unexpected event that has occurred in the past couple weeks while I have been on hiatus from publicly writing (I am always journaling) is an old friend coming back into my life pretty regularly after fifteen years. I am extremely grateful for our chats. He has helped me immensely learn about myself and some of my interactions I have with the opposite sex.

For those men who know me, you know I'm extremely guarded. Many of my male friends have tried to point out how abruptly and forcefully I will put men into what is called the "friend box." Over the course of the talks with this male friend, I have been able to recognize many things about this protective attitude with clarity. However the one thing that has helped me realize it was in my benefit to start healing and letting go of this shield was the recognition that the men that are most likely to try to take the time to break out of the box and past my walls are the ones I have been specifically trying to protect myself from. 

After this realization, we looked back at my relationships over the last ten years and we were able to prove the efficacy of this theory. With all the validation I received from those relationships, it only perpetuated this behavior to continue out of a growing and now confirmed fear. Now I have two choices. I can continue forward as I have been, or I can let go of the fight and need to control out of fear, mind my heart, love my heart, and move forward in trust and understanding. 

Here’s where it all starts tying in. If  the two hearts of my children can escalate over nonsense in 60 seconds, imagine the damage that can be caused by millions of hearts over something as real and huge as civil rights. If we continue trying to move forward by fighting, what is it that are really creating for ourselves? 

At some point, we have to be willing to let go of the fight. We have to recognize that by choosing to continue the struggle, we ultimately deny our own hearts love. The fight escalates because of the desire to be understood and the desire to be right. If society desires change outside of themselves in the world around them, without individual responsibility, we will only create walls and barriers, not necessarily better circumstances. This is much like what I have been doing to myself. Back and forth we go. It's an argument that can’t be won between those fighting, because those fighting aren’t listening. They’re trying to be understood (by pushing outside), not understand (by embracing what’s within- faith and love). 

The article targets four public figures that have recently claimed to be laying down their societal labels and focusing on embracing their strengths, their talents, and their individuality within a collective human group. Now maybe this hasn’t been expressed perfectly, but the message has been there if we try to understand. The wording in the statements being attacked is actually perfect in one way. If we stop to think about it for a moment, it shows us how easily words can keep us separated. Words, labels and lack of understanding are just keeping us separate. 

Yes, things have been said, but let us not hold onto a stage of a man’s or woman’s growth as permanent. This life is not a destination, it is a journey. These four human beings are sharing their journey and process with us because they are always in the spotlight. As I learned over the course of writing my book, even by the time I went back to edit the original manuscript, words and concepts needed to be tweaked with my growth. Now that the book is published, I continue to grow and tweak the concepts within myself. There is no permanence, only change.

The persuasion made in the article (among many recent articles) is that by theses celebrities coming out and sharing their personal journey and process with us, they are somehow denying their heritage and viewed as "afraid to continue the work of those whose blood, sweat and tears were shed so that future generations can endure." But is this really what they are doing? Are they really trying to blend cowardly into society, or are they actually embracing their hearts, looking for solutions that can only occur within, and starting to stand out the same as civil rights activists have in the past?  

Let's look at those that came in the forefront of the good fight. They walked on the same ground, with more of the same inequalities and made a difference in the hearts of many; hearts of all labels and variations. They led us by example. They did this not with a fight, but with heart; not with violence, but with love; not with an emphasis on lack, but a dream of abundance; with courage and hard work, not with entitlement, privilege, or ease. They stood before many in the name of equality, so that we could stand together in brotherhood. They helped us recognize that every one of us, divided by sex, race and faith were equally as significant, beautiful and worthy, when the world tells us otherwise.

We are each born with these same abilities. If you ask the many that have made it from hardship to abundance, they will all agree it was the heart, not the labels, nor the money or any of the outside attributes that drove their cause. It is through the heart, we each have the ability to do as those that have led the way have done- love ourselves and our fellows, work hard, and courageously follow our own dreams. 

I do not live in denial that racism exists. It is my understanding that it still does. However, the current escalating struggle and means of only further separation is not working. This is not about trying to forget the past. It is about embracing the future built on a solid foundation from our past. 

This is me choosing to focus on the abundance of the dream and less on the lack. This is me moving forward just as those that have set the example for all of us. Taking personal responsibility is not the easy road. Those who do the work, know this. It is an inside job, for we control no other man or woman but ourselves. This is me having a choice and I am choosing my own heart over the fight, so that in turn, I can love yours. Through the heart, we can accomplish the task. Individually we can make a difference, one heart at a time, and together we will be the change. We may not say everything perfectly every time, but the love will reveal itself through our actions. There is no stronger or mightier force than love and it will only perpetuate us into greatness beyond our fondest aspirations. 

Much love to you all. Namaste'

                  jodi

( photograph by garrytutte.com )