What's Black and White and Heart All Over?

 

The reason why I'm sharing all of this is because another friend posted an article on social media today, (http://hellobeautiful.com/2015/03/22/why-black-celebrities-should-be-black-activists/about), about how the "New Black" is doing more harm than good. The examples of people that represent the "New Black" were people such as Pharrell, Raven, Common and somebody else, I'm not real familiar with celebrity names. Those of you who know me, know I'm a faces, not names, kinda gal so I'll apologize ahead of time. Anyway, it made me think of a recent fight that escalated quickly between the two hearts of my children and began the journey of this blog. That being said, this is a lengthy post, but stick around to see how it all ties in.

 

This weekend was the first time the kids and I have had the opportunity to travel completely alone. I love hanging with the kids for a few days without all of the usual daily responsibilities and nothing but time to enjoy each other. As I've said, my children have always been two of my greatest teachers. Really, my whole family has. It is through these closest relationships we learn the most about ourselves if we are paying attention. In learning about ourselves, we also get to learn about our relationships with the world around us. What happens in smaller scale usually always occurs on a larger scale.

 

The kids chose to visit an amusement park for their vacation. Sure the idea of rollercoasters is an exciting idea, but they forget how much work all the walking and waiting can be. Waiting in line can frustrate the young ones especially when technology has empowered society's ability to live in a world with much more instant gratification than when I was younger. They began to fight over who was "right" and who was "wrong." Over what? I don't even know. It was a typical sibling argument full of...

 





"you’re wrong."
"no you’re wrong."
"No you’re wrong."
"No you’re wrong!"
"NO You!”

Back and forth they bickered over who was right, with their tone escalating as their claims against one another volleyed between the two hearts. Two children that love each other caught up in the dance that only angered one another and turned to tears before I could jump in. It was that fast and furious!

This is when I turned to my daughter and said-- "it doesn't matter if the other person knows you are right, but mind how your heart feels right now." The need to be right and understood can be more caustic to the individual heart, than letting go of the fight for the sake of taking care of your own heart. Like the St. Francis prayer says, "it is better to understand, than to be understood."

Another unexpected event that has occurred in the past couple weeks while I have been on hiatus from publicly writing (I am always journaling) is an old friend coming back into my life pretty regularly after fifteen years. I am extremely grateful for our chats. He has helped me immensely learn about myself and some of my interactions I have with the opposite sex.

For those men who know me, you know I'm extremely guarded. Many of my male friends have tried to point out how abruptly and forcefully I will put men into what is called the "friend box." Over the course of the talks with this male friend, I have been able to recognize many things about this protective attitude with clarity. However the one thing that has helped me realize it was in my benefit to start healing and letting go of this shield was the recognition that the men that are most likely to try to take the time to break out of the box and past my walls are the ones I have been specifically trying to protect myself from. 

After this realization, we looked back at my relationships over the last ten years and we were able to prove the efficacy of this theory. With all the validation I received from those relationships, it only perpetuated this behavior to continue out of a growing and now confirmed fear. Now I have two choices. I can continue forward as I have been, or I can let go of the fight and need to control out of fear, mind my heart, love my heart, and move forward in trust and understanding. 

Here’s where it all starts tying in. If  the two hearts of my children can escalate over nonsense in 60 seconds, imagine the damage that can be caused by millions of hearts over something as real and huge as civil rights. If we continue trying to move forward by fighting, what is it that are really creating for ourselves? 

At some point, we have to be willing to let go of the fight. We have to recognize that by choosing to continue the struggle, we ultimately deny our own hearts love. The fight escalates because of the desire to be understood and the desire to be right. If society desires change outside of themselves in the world around them, without individual responsibility, we will only create walls and barriers, not necessarily better circumstances. This is much like what I have been doing to myself. Back and forth we go. It's an argument that can’t be won between those fighting, because those fighting aren’t listening. They’re trying to be understood (by pushing outside), not understand (by embracing what’s within- faith and love). 

The article targets four public figures that have recently claimed to be laying down their societal labels and focusing on embracing their strengths, their talents, and their individuality within a collective human group. Now maybe this hasn’t been expressed perfectly, but the message has been there if we try to understand. The wording in the statements being attacked is actually perfect in one way. If we stop to think about it for a moment, it shows us how easily words can keep us separated. Words, labels and lack of understanding are just keeping us separate. 

Yes, things have been said, but let us not hold onto a stage of a man’s or woman’s growth as permanent. This life is not a destination, it is a journey. These four human beings are sharing their journey and process with us because they are always in the spotlight. As I learned over the course of writing my book, even by the time I went back to edit the original manuscript, words and concepts needed to be tweaked with my growth. Now that the book is published, I continue to grow and tweak the concepts within myself. There is no permanence, only change.

The persuasion made in the article (among many recent articles) is that by theses celebrities coming out and sharing their personal journey and process with us, they are somehow denying their heritage and viewed as "afraid to continue the work of those whose blood, sweat and tears were shed so that future generations can endure." But is this really what they are doing? Are they really trying to blend cowardly into society, or are they actually embracing their hearts, looking for solutions that can only occur within, and starting to stand out the same as civil rights activists have in the past?  

Let's look at those that came in the forefront of the good fight. They walked on the same ground, with more of the same inequalities and made a difference in the hearts of many; hearts of all labels and variations. They led us by example. They did this not with a fight, but with heart; not with violence, but with love; not with an emphasis on lack, but a dream of abundance; with courage and hard work, not with entitlement, privilege, or ease. They stood before many in the name of equality, so that we could stand together in brotherhood. They helped us recognize that every one of us, divided by sex, race and faith were equally as significant, beautiful and worthy, when the world tells us otherwise.

We are each born with these same abilities. If you ask the many that have made it from hardship to abundance, they will all agree it was the heart, not the labels, nor the money or any of the outside attributes that drove their cause. It is through the heart, we each have the ability to do as those that have led the way have done- love ourselves and our fellows, work hard, and courageously follow our own dreams. 

I do not live in denial that racism exists. It is my understanding that it still does. However, the current escalating struggle and means of only further separation is not working. This is not about trying to forget the past. It is about embracing the future built on a solid foundation from our past. 

This is me choosing to focus on the abundance of the dream and less on the lack. This is me moving forward just as those that have set the example for all of us. Taking personal responsibility is not the easy road. Those who do the work, know this. It is an inside job, for we control no other man or woman but ourselves. This is me having a choice and I am choosing my own heart over the fight, so that in turn, I can love yours. Through the heart, we can accomplish the task. Individually we can make a difference, one heart at a time, and together we will be the change. We may not say everything perfectly every time, but the love will reveal itself through our actions. There is no stronger or mightier force than love and it will only perpetuate us into greatness beyond our fondest aspirations. 

Much love to you all. Namaste'

                  jodi

( photograph by garrytutte.com )