Embracing Vulnerability

 

It has been a while since I've written a post, but the essence of this one took a while to develop, and I am so grateful it has because it's a big one for me.

An old friend reappeared in my life for a brief moment, if only to awaken awareness within me. I could tell something profound was about to occur, but I couldn't figure it out until it happened. This recent experience brought about an awareness of two different types of vulnerability.

The first type of vulnerability is when we are willing to reveal ourselves to another human being without holding back for any personal reasoning. This can occur because of a fear or insecurity of some kind, or the holding back can occur for selfish and manipulative reasons.

The other type of vulnerability is the willingness to open our hearts enough to get to know another person. I don’t just mean get to know them by listening to them and the words coming out of their mouths. I mean really feel them and their story.

Some may refer to this second type as being present or compassionate, and yes it is both these things. However, it is deeper than that. It is completely unfiltered and unprotected presence and compassion. It is devoid of fear that caring for another human being may in some way end up causing you pain. It is in this exchange, the care and the concern for another person in which we enter relationship with can flourish, and it applies to friendships, romantic relationships, and yes, this can even be in a business relationship.

Let’s imagine we have two people standing in a room with a brick wall dividing them. There are two different types of bricks in this wall, each kind of brick representing one of the two types of vulnerability, and each person is responsible for half of the bricks. As with any brick wall there is mortar between the bricks to keep the wall strong and in place. We’ll say the mortar is made of fear.

If those two people choose to get rid of the wall, so they can engage in some sort of relationship, first they have to weaken the wall by addressing any fears. The willingness to walk through any fear takes care of the mortar, and makes the wall brittle, but we are still left with all the bricks stacked on top of one another. Now we have to become vulnerable to get rid of them.

If we start by only removing one set of the bricks or one type of vulnerability, it may end up looking like the end of a game of Jenga, where only certain pieces have been removed from a giant tower of blocks that has now fallen over and there is still a huge mess in front of us. Even if the two people wanted to get to one another, one of them would need to climb over an unstable pile. Needless to say, there is one person having to do all the work.

It is only when both people work on both types of vulnerability within themselves, does the path open completely by removing all of the bricks. Then the two people can engage fully in the type of relationship that is desired by them coming together. 

When this little metaphor showed up in my life to reveal to me my own personal patterns with vulnerability, like any good spiritual student, I had to ask myself why I manifested this into the way it was revealing itself and here is what came up for me. 

In the past, I have had a fear to be vulnerable enough to be seen due to perceived flaws or imperfections. I’m not just talking about physical imperfections. I am referring to feeling inferior or insecure because of the many details that can arise for a person. This could be my lack of education based on what society tells us is necessary, I am one of the few in my spiritual community that still smokes cigarettes knowing how harmful it is to my body, because my art lacks in areas of realism and speed when necessary, or even that I have written a book that says one thing, and then as time passes by, I shift and grow with its message, so a fear arises that maybe the writing is becoming or already obsolete. Blah, blah, blah. Many things can arise within my mind to tell me it’s not safe to be vulnerable enough to let myself be seen.

Then, because Spirit is so giving, protecting, and loving, and it wants me to have everything I am comfortable receiving, it will give me exactly what I wanted. Spirit has been providing everything I wanted in life while keeping me safe from being seen. I have work I love that lets me hide away as long as I’d like without asking much of me, many relationships that come in only to serve the other person so I can easily disappear when I prefer because I am no longer needed, and enough solid friendships that I’m not required to reach out and make new acquaintances if I don’t want to. However, that path is not exactly acting in alignment with divine will or the service that has been asked of me by my higher guidance, it’s the path based on my will.

The good news is, I’m not running the show, and so the greatest trick Spirit has to offer us all is to give us more and more of the same old thing through different scenarios until you can think to yourself, “hey, I’m not sure I want any more of this sh―. I think I’m good. Yep! I’ve had enough.”  Spirit wants each of us to have a fuller life, but we need to be asking for it, not resisting the heck out of it. Life will continually manifest a similar experience over and over based on our fears and desires until we can recognize that it’s not working for our highest and best interest.

This recent experience provided just this. It helped me recognize perhaps not being seen, and staying under the radar, may not be what I wanted, or needed, at all. It was actually quite annoying, but in looking at my own patterns, I could recognize, I was being given EXACTLY what I had been asking for. Spirit is extremely clever to reveal the gifts in this magnificent way! I am so extremely grateful for the gift I needed to move forward with my life purpose, to be revealed through a big, strong, and attention-grabbing man!

The bottom line is I can’t do what Spirit has brought me here to do and hide behind the wall anymore. I’ve known what I’ve been divinely asked to do, but I wasn’t quite sure how I was supposed to do it. It felt like something wasn’t clicking or part of the equation was missing. I had to get out of my way, my fears, and my wants, and remove both types of bricks of vulnerability. Only then, can Spirit start providing me with a different option. I have to do it, not because there’s another person on the other side of the wall―

―but because all of life  is on the other side of the wall.

What does that means if there really isn’t a person on the other side of that wall?

It means all of the bricks are my own!

So be bold, reveal yourself, and let others into your heart! Let go, be vulnerable and allow life to fully integrate into your being by getting rid of the wall that stands between you and all of the future’s possibilities! There really is nothing to lose except for the same ol’ story you’ve been asking for.

Much love and gratitude for all of you.

Many blessings,

jodi