Embracing Vulnerability

 

It has been a while since I've written a post, but the essence of this one took a while to develop, and I am so grateful it has because it's a big one for me.

An old friend reappeared in my life for a brief moment, if only to awaken awareness within me. I could tell something profound was about to occur, but I couldn't figure it out until it happened. This recent experience brought about an awareness of two different types of vulnerability.

The first type of vulnerability is when we are willing to reveal ourselves to another human being without holding back for any personal reasoning. This can occur because of a fear or insecurity of some kind, or the holding back can occur for selfish and manipulative reasons.

The other type of vulnerability is the willingness to open our hearts enough to get to know another person. I don’t just mean get to know them by listening to them and the words coming out of their mouths. I mean really feel them and their story.

Some may refer to this second type as being present or compassionate, and yes it is both these things. However, it is deeper than that. It is completely unfiltered and unprotected presence and compassion. It is devoid of fear that caring for another human being may in some way end up causing you pain. It is in this exchange, the care and the concern for another person in which we enter relationship with can flourish, and it applies to friendships, romantic relationships, and yes, this can even be in a business relationship.

Let’s imagine we have two people standing in a room with a brick wall dividing them. There are two different types of bricks in this wall, each kind of brick representing one of the two types of vulnerability, and each person is responsible for half of the bricks. As with any brick wall there is mortar between the bricks to keep the wall strong and in place. We’ll say the mortar is made of fear.

If those two people choose to get rid of the wall, so they can engage in some sort of relationship, first they have to weaken the wall by addressing any fears. The willingness to walk through any fear takes care of the mortar, and makes the wall brittle, but we are still left with all the bricks stacked on top of one another. Now we have to become vulnerable to get rid of them.

If we start by only removing one set of the bricks or one type of vulnerability, it may end up looking like the end of a game of Jenga, where only certain pieces have been removed from a giant tower of blocks that has now fallen over and there is still a huge mess in front of us. Even if the two people wanted to get to one another, one of them would need to climb over an unstable pile. Needless to say, there is one person having to do all the work.

It is only when both people work on both types of vulnerability within themselves, does the path open completely by removing all of the bricks. Then the two people can engage fully in the type of relationship that is desired by them coming together. 

When this little metaphor showed up in my life to reveal to me my own personal patterns with vulnerability, like any good spiritual student, I had to ask myself why I manifested this into the way it was revealing itself and here is what came up for me. 

In the past, I have had a fear to be vulnerable enough to be seen due to perceived flaws or imperfections. I’m not just talking about physical imperfections. I am referring to feeling inferior or insecure because of the many details that can arise for a person. This could be my lack of education based on what society tells us is necessary, I am one of the few in my spiritual community that still smokes cigarettes knowing how harmful it is to my body, because my art lacks in areas of realism and speed when necessary, or even that I have written a book that says one thing, and then as time passes by, I shift and grow with its message, so a fear arises that maybe the writing is becoming or already obsolete. Blah, blah, blah. Many things can arise within my mind to tell me it’s not safe to be vulnerable enough to let myself be seen.

Then, because Spirit is so giving, protecting, and loving, and it wants me to have everything I am comfortable receiving, it will give me exactly what I wanted. Spirit has been providing everything I wanted in life while keeping me safe from being seen. I have work I love that lets me hide away as long as I’d like without asking much of me, many relationships that come in only to serve the other person so I can easily disappear when I prefer because I am no longer needed, and enough solid friendships that I’m not required to reach out and make new acquaintances if I don’t want to. However, that path is not exactly acting in alignment with divine will or the service that has been asked of me by my higher guidance, it’s the path based on my will.

The good news is, I’m not running the show, and so the greatest trick Spirit has to offer us all is to give us more and more of the same old thing through different scenarios until you can think to yourself, “hey, I’m not sure I want any more of this sh―. I think I’m good. Yep! I’ve had enough.”  Spirit wants each of us to have a fuller life, but we need to be asking for it, not resisting the heck out of it. Life will continually manifest a similar experience over and over based on our fears and desires until we can recognize that it’s not working for our highest and best interest.

This recent experience provided just this. It helped me recognize perhaps not being seen, and staying under the radar, may not be what I wanted, or needed, at all. It was actually quite annoying, but in looking at my own patterns, I could recognize, I was being given EXACTLY what I had been asking for. Spirit is extremely clever to reveal the gifts in this magnificent way! I am so extremely grateful for the gift I needed to move forward with my life purpose, to be revealed through a big, strong, and attention-grabbing man!

The bottom line is I can’t do what Spirit has brought me here to do and hide behind the wall anymore. I’ve known what I’ve been divinely asked to do, but I wasn’t quite sure how I was supposed to do it. It felt like something wasn’t clicking or part of the equation was missing. I had to get out of my way, my fears, and my wants, and remove both types of bricks of vulnerability. Only then, can Spirit start providing me with a different option. I have to do it, not because there’s another person on the other side of the wall―

―but because all of life  is on the other side of the wall.

What does that means if there really isn’t a person on the other side of that wall?

It means all of the bricks are my own!

So be bold, reveal yourself, and let others into your heart! Let go, be vulnerable and allow life to fully integrate into your being by getting rid of the wall that stands between you and all of the future’s possibilities! There really is nothing to lose except for the same ol’ story you’ve been asking for.

Much love and gratitude for all of you.

Many blessings,

jodi

 

 

 

 

 

Remaining Grateful Through The Pain

 

Back in December, I suffered a pretty bad fall from the top of a ten foot ladder. I was fortunate. Nothing serious resulted except for some extremely sore muscles and possibly a bruised or broken rib. It took about six weeks to recover from the pain. Of course, due to the holiday season, I pushed my way through the pain and tried to maintain a jolly spirit, nonetheless. Family was in town, I was in the finishing stages of editing the book, writing a book proposal for a major publishing company, and having two younger children, it's just what you do around Christmas when you don't have time to slow down. At least this is what I thought.

An injury recently came about as a sort of aftershock from the fall. This one took me down with the pain the way I needed. Driving caused pain and sitting caused pain, sleeping was frequent, short spurts, and so I was left with pacing.

A girlfriend of mine came by to check on me during this time to drink coffee and keep me company. Thank goodness she did, because she told me about a Matt Kahn video she had shared on her Facebook page, "Healing Space." Matt Kahn is a Spiritual Teacher out on the West Coast. I took a look at his videos when she left. Although it wasn't the video she posted, he gave me this little reminder of why I was experiencing my pain and what to do with it. I have to share this because it was so profound in my healing.

I have learned so much spiritual guidance in regards to pain, but a lot of it had me chasing my tail. Even in my own book I talk about all situations being viewed as gifts and opportunities, and I had forgotten. I had forgotten that even the physical pain is a gift.

I wasn't seeing the pain as a gift! I was judging myself for what I was missing in my own healing work. I was judging my ability to understand the lesson or the meaning of the experience. I was frustrated with how the pain pulled me into my physical body and detached me from my emotional and spiritual self. Anger and frustration would build up when the pain would peak, only to remind me of my to-do list and the many tasks I should've been taking care of. Instead I was lying around, dozing off because of the lack of sleep at night, and forcing myself into creativity through the only necessary avenue that couldn't be avoided, cooking!

Thank goodness for Spirit to bring the message and assistance I was begging my guides for through people around me. I was having such trouble hearing my guides from this cave carved from pain and suffering, and so they delivered my answers through other resources.

I had to stop using spiritual beliefs as my current abuser. I had to remember that all is love and purposeful. I had to start being grateful- even for the pain.

When I found gratitude for the pain, and started loving myself again instead of abusing myself through my thoughts, old teachings, beliefs, and inner dialogue, I began healing. I didn't just heal my physical self by doing this. I healed emotionally and spiritually as well. When I welcomed the actual pain to be the gift, instead of the pain being the negative result of me missing or not understanding something in regards to the gift, only then could the pain heal me. Only then, could I allow myself to heal.

 

I am grateful today to know there is guidance all around me, in the physical dimensions and beyond the dimensions I can easily see. I am grateful to have the trust, that even when my ears can't hear and my eyes are blinded with tears, I know the Universe is listening and wants nothing more than to help each one of us. Keep praying, and talking to your angels, guides, guardians, God(s), Higher Power, Spirit, Great Mystery, etc. They are all listening and ready to remind you (yes, remind you) of the information you need as you walk your journey.

 

 

It's such a beautiful Universe to be connected to! Take the time today to embrace it, if only for a minute. Thank it for all it provides for us. It deserves our immense love and gratitude for the opportunity to experience this thing called living.

 

Much love to you all,

jodi

 

Changing Directions

Well, I got some news last week that could've been pretty disappointing. I put a lot of work into a project that didn’t result in the outcome a person who went through all the work should want.

It’s as if I were running a marathon and just as I got to the finish line, I stopped to tie my shoe and decide if I really even wanted to cross the finish line. After watching several people pass by me, I finish the race, but really only to congratulate the winners because while I was tying my shoe, I realized it wasn’t what I even wanted when I began running. Somewhere over the miles, the direction changed. As I watched the crowd surround the winners, feelings of relief and freedom were what surrounded me.

I realize have been writing a lot more lately. Everything around me seems to inspire me. The topics are finding me. All I have been doing is acting on the inspirations.

It is easy to complicate the heck out of life and overlook the subtle turns the journey takes you. Once we have made a decision about a goal or direction, it’s easy to keep working toward outdated ideals and desires. We can travel far beyond the turn we were being guided to take if we become too fixated on an outcome versus the journey.

About a week before the news came in, a new direction for my journey appeared. Over the next several days I wondered if the two directions could really work together, or if I would in fact find the fork in the road and a decision to make. Well, a clue to the answer lies in the last sentence. Two directions can’t in fact be the same direction. We can bring aspects of the one direction into the new direction, but we can’t walk in two directions, scattering and separating our energy.

I didn’t need to make the decision alone. It kinda took care of itself it seems. I now know without doubt the direction I am being guided to take. What was really amazing, is I got to feel the difference between the two paths as they presented themselves. I was given the opportunity to feel the excitement and inspiration behind the right path versus the path that wasn’t really for me to travel at this time. This new opportunity that presented itself felt meaningful beyond any selfish desires. The original direction wasn’t bad, but it would have removed me from being a part of the process and would have forced me to focus more on the destination.

As I’ve said before, the destination is not a fun place for the artist. As a creator, I want to be the paint not the purchase. I want to sweep across the canvas, dance like music notes on the lines that lead me, spin on the wheel in the hands of creation, and feel the warmth and peace of the sunset in the photograph. This is what living creatively feels like to me!

I am so grateful I don’t have to do the decision making on my own.  I am also grateful to have had the opportunity to feel the difference between the two options for use in future decision making! It’s supposed to feel good― really good, and bigger than I am capable of imagining. Then all I have to do is trust and go with it. Let it lead me where I need to go, even though it may never be what it started out to be or where I thought I was going. I've realized I'm not taking the longer route by changing direction right before the finish line. I'm taking the creative route, that's always changing, dreaming, exploring, discovering and always building.

Namasté.