Gossip Gone Wild!

First I would like to say how grateful I am for those who see me as a trusted source to process some of life's messiest situations. I think I should also clarify immediately at the fore front of this blog that this is in no way directed at you reading this. This is for you reading this. If you think this is about you specifically in any way and at any point, just finish reading this, call me and we'll hopefully just clear that mess right up.

Let’s talk about gossip.

What's the difference between-

 

the destructive and energy draining forms of gossip, running our mouths, or self-seeking behaviors that put others down so someone else can move up 

vs .

the creative processing of what's going on in our lives with another human being?

 

My daughter often thinks I don't understand or remember what life is like as a teenager. This topic is something that happens quite frequently at her younger age. What's most unfortunate is that this behavior I'm discussing is hard to forget because it can continue way into adult life if we do not cultivate different ways to resolve situations we face.

Whether I am working with someone or speaking with someone that is a friend or part of my family, I make sure it is a completely open forum for this person to let it all out. They can share their perspective no matter how on or off point it is or seems to be. Let it flow and let it go. This is often an important part of the process for healing. Allowing someone to be authentic and honest with themselves and talking out situation with another human being can be extremely helpful.

What happens next is what determines whether this conversation is going to remain destructive or transform into a creative and beautiful process that changes everyone involved for the better. The most important and defining difference in the conversation of the gossip and someone who wants to process a situation, is the action. This is where creativity gets to come in, and I love me some creativity!

For the sake of this blog I am going to use my book  Embracing The Spark  and the chart found in Chapter 10, “Making the Most of Your Actions: Getting Creative.” Using this chart I can easily find words in the destructive column that align with the act of gossiping or self-seeking. On quick review of the list, here are some that could work in the destructive column:

Unsettle, Disempower, Invalidate, Ruin, and Misunderstand.

Whether the rumors are about you, or someone else, the negative talk could be affecting one or more people in the situation in sat least one or several of these ways mentioned above. Trust me, there were more. I chose to stop at five actions.

If we then look to the creative action on the opposite side of the list that correlates to each of these words we will find the words:
 

Establish, Inspire, Dream, Devise, and Conceive.

(Wow, do those words already sound and feel better or what??)

When we engage in a conversation about a rumor, speaking negatively about someone who may have hurt us directly or indirectly, or talking about someone who did this or that to someone other than us, we are acting more in alignment with destructive behaviors. These behaviors naturally develop into less favorable transition points for our energy, feelings, and thoughts. Our relationships with others can now become negatively impacted whether we are involved or not in the situation from this space forward.

Although we can’t always avoid a conversation like this, we can however find a creative solution and action that leaves us with a more favorable transition point for forward movement. Just because we are looking for a creative solution, doesn’t mean we are trying to control or manipulate an outcome. It means we are choosing to stop the ball the negative behavior from rolling down the metaphorical hill and transmuting it into a more sustainable form of energy for ourselves.

Let’s look at the creative words I found earlier with the chart and ways we can use them.

 

·         Devise- You may have already recognized that by Devising a plan of creative action is already pulling us out of the destructive behavior into a constructive one.

·         Conceive- You may want to contemplate the actions of the “offender” by trying to understand or Conceive where they were coming from when the “offense” occured.

·         Establish- If we don’t have any idea how to understand where that person was coming from, and the relationship in distress is a valued one, we may want to Establish a dialogue with the person to stop the rumor or gossip in its path.

·         Dream- Rather than letting the rumors invalidate you or your work or whatever the situation may be, keep Dreaming. A lot of haters show up when you start pursuing your dreams and self-seeking of others will show right up.

·         Inspire- Let the gossip Inspire you to be a better human being or let go of the people in your life that aren’t kind or care enough about you to Establish the dialogue with you. Let them be a reflection of what you'd rather not be.

Whatever you choose to do with your creativity, don’t worry about how the other person may or may not react. This is a gift you are giving yourself. You are choosing more favorable transition points for your energy and well-being moving forward. As we change, heal and love ourselves, we do this for the world. This is how we end gossip, self-seeking, and disempowering talk between us and those around us.

If at the end of the dialogue with your trusted companion, you find absolutely no creative action is necessary for you to make because what you’re talking about is really not yours to get involved in, try this-   

 

Establish a connection with your top and bottom lip

by shutting your mouth.

 

Oh, yes- creativity is always an option and it always works!

 

So much love and blessings to all of you creative souls!

-jodi

 

 

Here's the link to my website if you would like to purchase a copy of the  book! http://www.jodilynnlamure.com/book.html
 
 
 
 
 

 

There's Someone With A Gift For You

A small girl, no older than eight years old, stands among a dusty plain. Her hair is golden beneath the ash and dirt that has painted the top of her head, like snow flurries grasping to the edge of a rocky cliff. Her dress was once blue, the color of a sunlit sky, and there is an embroidered collar adorning the neck of the dress that has begun to fall off and dangle underneath her hair.

There is a man standing next to her that appears to be angrily screaming in her face. His gray hair is wild like the snakes that grew from Medusa’s head. His suit that was once black and neatly pressed, has begun to look more like the continued fading that his age and rage have brought unto his wrinkled face.

Behind the girl, an explosion has erupted from the dusty earth as a result of rocketing hatred from forces unseen. The warmth of the fire that has torn away its capsuled metal home can be felt scorching her back and the left side of her face. It lights up the sky brighter than the sun, and yet she stands there unwavering and embracing its warmth.

Tanks are driving up behind her, and what seems like hundreds of men, woman, and children are being dragged by their arms by one another, running from the terror occurring around her. The screams and the ear ringing brought on by nearby explosives have drowned out the birds chirping and the winds whisper, and yet it looks as if she can hear their songs.

The sky has gone beige from the dust and smoke in the air. It appears to swirl around this calamitous scene with its very own mission of devastation. Like an evil apparition that has broken free from the  violent cracks in the earth, it is adding to the madness surrounding all who are present on the plain with wild and whipping gusts of dirt and rock.

But here is this little girl, still unwavering. Her eyes have closed and her lips have formed a gentle smile. She holds a flower between both of her hands that she harvested this morning near the river bank when she went to gather water. The look on her face is of pure peacefulness and gratitude just as when she picked it.

She seems unaware to everything that surrounds her at the moment, and yet we know that is impossible. How does she do it, continue to stand in the middle of the chaos and remain filled with peace? How does she maintain a smile, when pain surrounds her? How does she hold on to the flower, when the sky rains ash around her? How does she find her strength, this small child, when everything around her seems much larger than she is?

She trusts. She holds on to a vibration of joy and focuses on the flower, rather than the falling sky. Her courage is great because she knows she is much larger than she appears. She is part of something infinite, and right now her purpose is love just as it was yesterday, and just as it will be tomorrow. She doesn’t forget. That is all she needs to do.

For those of us, who have stopped running, and taken time to notice the girl, she has captivated our attention. It becomes much easier to focus on the love radiating from her than the chaos surrounding her. A bit of peace begins to course through our veins that was absent a moment ago.

We embrace this way she has shared with us, and find ourselves closing our eyes. Our mouths begin to turn into gentle smiles as we can't help but picture the girl in our minds. She is no longer one little girl holding a flower. She has become many little girls holding a flower by touching our hearts with her light. Now, as we carry her light within each of us, we can carry the gift to share with others.

Now close your eyes and see this little girl, then receive the gift she is offering all of us.

And so it is.

 

What's Black and White and Heart All Over?

 

The reason why I'm sharing all of this is because another friend posted an article on social media today, (http://hellobeautiful.com/2015/03/22/why-black-celebrities-should-be-black-activists/about), about how the "New Black" is doing more harm than good. The examples of people that represent the "New Black" were people such as Pharrell, Raven, Common and somebody else, I'm not real familiar with celebrity names. Those of you who know me, know I'm a faces, not names, kinda gal so I'll apologize ahead of time. Anyway, it made me think of a recent fight that escalated quickly between the two hearts of my children and began the journey of this blog. That being said, this is a lengthy post, but stick around to see how it all ties in.

 

This weekend was the first time the kids and I have had the opportunity to travel completely alone. I love hanging with the kids for a few days without all of the usual daily responsibilities and nothing but time to enjoy each other. As I've said, my children have always been two of my greatest teachers. Really, my whole family has. It is through these closest relationships we learn the most about ourselves if we are paying attention. In learning about ourselves, we also get to learn about our relationships with the world around us. What happens in smaller scale usually always occurs on a larger scale.

 

The kids chose to visit an amusement park for their vacation. Sure the idea of rollercoasters is an exciting idea, but they forget how much work all the walking and waiting can be. Waiting in line can frustrate the young ones especially when technology has empowered society's ability to live in a world with much more instant gratification than when I was younger. They began to fight over who was "right" and who was "wrong." Over what? I don't even know. It was a typical sibling argument full of...

 





"you’re wrong."
"no you’re wrong."
"No you’re wrong."
"No you’re wrong!"
"NO You!”

Back and forth they bickered over who was right, with their tone escalating as their claims against one another volleyed between the two hearts. Two children that love each other caught up in the dance that only angered one another and turned to tears before I could jump in. It was that fast and furious!

This is when I turned to my daughter and said-- "it doesn't matter if the other person knows you are right, but mind how your heart feels right now." The need to be right and understood can be more caustic to the individual heart, than letting go of the fight for the sake of taking care of your own heart. Like the St. Francis prayer says, "it is better to understand, than to be understood."

Another unexpected event that has occurred in the past couple weeks while I have been on hiatus from publicly writing (I am always journaling) is an old friend coming back into my life pretty regularly after fifteen years. I am extremely grateful for our chats. He has helped me immensely learn about myself and some of my interactions I have with the opposite sex.

For those men who know me, you know I'm extremely guarded. Many of my male friends have tried to point out how abruptly and forcefully I will put men into what is called the "friend box." Over the course of the talks with this male friend, I have been able to recognize many things about this protective attitude with clarity. However the one thing that has helped me realize it was in my benefit to start healing and letting go of this shield was the recognition that the men that are most likely to try to take the time to break out of the box and past my walls are the ones I have been specifically trying to protect myself from. 

After this realization, we looked back at my relationships over the last ten years and we were able to prove the efficacy of this theory. With all the validation I received from those relationships, it only perpetuated this behavior to continue out of a growing and now confirmed fear. Now I have two choices. I can continue forward as I have been, or I can let go of the fight and need to control out of fear, mind my heart, love my heart, and move forward in trust and understanding. 

Here’s where it all starts tying in. If  the two hearts of my children can escalate over nonsense in 60 seconds, imagine the damage that can be caused by millions of hearts over something as real and huge as civil rights. If we continue trying to move forward by fighting, what is it that are really creating for ourselves? 

At some point, we have to be willing to let go of the fight. We have to recognize that by choosing to continue the struggle, we ultimately deny our own hearts love. The fight escalates because of the desire to be understood and the desire to be right. If society desires change outside of themselves in the world around them, without individual responsibility, we will only create walls and barriers, not necessarily better circumstances. This is much like what I have been doing to myself. Back and forth we go. It's an argument that can’t be won between those fighting, because those fighting aren’t listening. They’re trying to be understood (by pushing outside), not understand (by embracing what’s within- faith and love). 

The article targets four public figures that have recently claimed to be laying down their societal labels and focusing on embracing their strengths, their talents, and their individuality within a collective human group. Now maybe this hasn’t been expressed perfectly, but the message has been there if we try to understand. The wording in the statements being attacked is actually perfect in one way. If we stop to think about it for a moment, it shows us how easily words can keep us separated. Words, labels and lack of understanding are just keeping us separate. 

Yes, things have been said, but let us not hold onto a stage of a man’s or woman’s growth as permanent. This life is not a destination, it is a journey. These four human beings are sharing their journey and process with us because they are always in the spotlight. As I learned over the course of writing my book, even by the time I went back to edit the original manuscript, words and concepts needed to be tweaked with my growth. Now that the book is published, I continue to grow and tweak the concepts within myself. There is no permanence, only change.

The persuasion made in the article (among many recent articles) is that by theses celebrities coming out and sharing their personal journey and process with us, they are somehow denying their heritage and viewed as "afraid to continue the work of those whose blood, sweat and tears were shed so that future generations can endure." But is this really what they are doing? Are they really trying to blend cowardly into society, or are they actually embracing their hearts, looking for solutions that can only occur within, and starting to stand out the same as civil rights activists have in the past?  

Let's look at those that came in the forefront of the good fight. They walked on the same ground, with more of the same inequalities and made a difference in the hearts of many; hearts of all labels and variations. They led us by example. They did this not with a fight, but with heart; not with violence, but with love; not with an emphasis on lack, but a dream of abundance; with courage and hard work, not with entitlement, privilege, or ease. They stood before many in the name of equality, so that we could stand together in brotherhood. They helped us recognize that every one of us, divided by sex, race and faith were equally as significant, beautiful and worthy, when the world tells us otherwise.

We are each born with these same abilities. If you ask the many that have made it from hardship to abundance, they will all agree it was the heart, not the labels, nor the money or any of the outside attributes that drove their cause. It is through the heart, we each have the ability to do as those that have led the way have done- love ourselves and our fellows, work hard, and courageously follow our own dreams. 

I do not live in denial that racism exists. It is my understanding that it still does. However, the current escalating struggle and means of only further separation is not working. This is not about trying to forget the past. It is about embracing the future built on a solid foundation from our past. 

This is me choosing to focus on the abundance of the dream and less on the lack. This is me moving forward just as those that have set the example for all of us. Taking personal responsibility is not the easy road. Those who do the work, know this. It is an inside job, for we control no other man or woman but ourselves. This is me having a choice and I am choosing my own heart over the fight, so that in turn, I can love yours. Through the heart, we can accomplish the task. Individually we can make a difference, one heart at a time, and together we will be the change. We may not say everything perfectly every time, but the love will reveal itself through our actions. There is no stronger or mightier force than love and it will only perpetuate us into greatness beyond our fondest aspirations. 

Much love to you all. Namaste'

                  jodi

( photograph by garrytutte.com )

 

 

The Step Ahead of The Struggle

Some of you may have seen my post recently about forcing my kids into creative mode through boredom. It works! My daughter has started to catch on without the unnecessary discomfort. If I ask her if she is bored while she gazes aimlessly around the house, she often replies “no, I just haven’t figured out what I want to do yet.”

Yes! I love this. I know she gets it by her response. Every day will be what she decides it will be. It can be a gift, or it can be a drag. Before she gets to a breaking point, she will often ask me for ideas or as I talk about in my book, “call for back-up.”

Asking for help isn’t weakness. It's creative. It’s creative when we act on the solutions found between minds working together on ideas. Both are constructive actions that weave colorful threads into the reality of the world around us.

My son on the other hand is a little more difficult in these situations. His typical solution to boredom is shopping. Does that sound familiar to anyone? He usually thinks the answer to all his problem is something else. This is when I get to step in and say “no.” I have six more years to get this point across before he doesn’t need to ask me and can get to the store himself, so wish me luck!

Spirit has had his best interest at heart of course and some of this lesson came in for him over the holiday season. Nearly every gift or “thing” he received for his birthday and Christmas this year either was lost, broke, missing pieces, or hasn’t even shown up yet! I must admit he has handled it with grace and understanding because to a ten year old, this could have been cause for a complete meltdown and pity party. It hasn’t been. He became more grateful for what he does have and has been more creative with activities like origami, building forts, and playing outside with friends.

The point is we don’t have to get hit with a lesson this extreme, into an uncomfortable situation, or bored before we make the decision to get creative because it’s the only remaining option. We have the ability to head off many of these scenarios by staying in habits that are creative.

One might ask what my son could have done to head off his lesson. Well, let me share with you what happened around this time. Originally, he asked for snow for Christmas. My kids have yet to experience this natural wonder first-hand living in Florida. Obviously, I explained if I could pull off this opportunity to go discover and experience snow, I wouldn’t be able to afford to put things under the tree as well. At first he was totally okay with this, but then something shifted as we got closer to the holiday. He changed his mind. He wanted stuff he thought would bring him more happiness. But did it? One was creative, the other not so much. Can you recognize why this is?

Soon, Embracing The Spark: A Simple Guide For Using Creativity To Live Brilliantly will be available for purchase. It will provide all the tools one needs to use this holistic approach to creativity as a way of living and transforming daily life into a personal masterpiece. These tools will not only help each reader move more in alignment with a vibration that benefits one’s authentic self but also benefit the world touched by the creative actions of the reader. I am so very excited to get the message out in a language that can be understood outside of my own brain this time! Let’s all thank my editor, Karen, for this one! I am so very grateful for her hard work and powerful questions.

Take the time to explore creativity in your life. Any idle time we find in our busy schedules is our heart's way of pulling us back to this natural state. Head off the hard lessons and wasted time. Use the time to do what would most benefit not only your vibration, but to the collective vibration. Explore, dance, walk, sing, write, discover, play, reconnect with friends, share, cook something new, learn something new, etc. The possibilities are really endless!

 

                            Embrace the Spark!

                                        love, jodi